Lala

Homesickness is just a state of mind for me. I’m always missing someone or someplace or something, I’m always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. My life has been one long longing.
-Prozac Nation

I think I’m fucking pmsing, and it’s gonna last for a week. FUCK
I hope I’m pmsing, because otherwise, it would me that I’m just a depressed motherfucker.
I can’t seem to pull my shit together. I really need to study for my tests and write a cover letter for internships this summer. But I can’t seem to do any of those things. All I want to do is vent and complain to people.

then maybe I would just not give a fuck about a thing.

I really hope I’m pmsing…
I’m getting really annoyed at S because I’m starting to feel really ignored. She always chooses her bf over me!! I haven’t seen her last week because of break and she probably saw him everyday. She said she’d see me today when I got back but instead she chose to work which I don’t blame her for, but instead of coming home she’s going to sleep over at her boyfriend’s place. The thing that sucks is that she said she’d be here today, and the week before I went home for break, she said she’d be home every night so that I could see her. But she only stayed like 2 nights that week and I didn’t see her the night before or the day that I left. I get it that she wants to see her boyfriend as much as possible!! But why doesn’t she at least want to see me once in a while. This post is starting to make me sound like a jealous friend, but I guess I am. I’m not sure what I’m most annoyed about but not seeing her has started to take a strain on my side of the friendship. Whenever I see her, I have no idea what to say to her. Her life has become all about her boyfriend!! God was I this annoying when I was dating C??? FUCK! Her idea of what a friend is when one has a boyfriend is so freaking weird!!!! She really does believe its okay not to see your friends when you are dating someone. She used to encourage me and T while we were dating people that it was okay not to see her. And even when we insisted on seeing her, she truly believed that we didn’t really want to hang out with her but rather be with our bfs even more. Which leads me to believe yea, maybe she does want to see her boyfriend more than me. This all sounds really irrational, but it fucking gets lonely in the house by myself AND I GET PARANOID THAT SOMEONE WILL KILL ME IN THIS HOUSE, WHEN I AM BY MYSELF IN THIS SHADY ASS NEIGHBORHOOD!!!! There’s no other sound besides the refrigerator humming, and whatever I’m doing. It would be nice if I had someone I could talk to once in awhile so I don’t have to bug everyone else online for attention.

…. maybe I need a boyfriend
…. or get laid
…. or have it be that time of the month so my hormones can chill the fuck out
…. hahah jk!
….

That was the most unsuccessful attempt at trying to be fit ever!!!!
I went to Bally’s to realize that I left my membership card at home. So I went to Stop and Shop to pick up motor oil because my car has been leaking. Since donuts were only 55 cents, I couldn’t help but buy one. I then decided instead of just calling it a night without exercising, I’d do a couple of laps at the track. I did two and then got paranoid that someone might kill or kidnap me so I went home, but before going home I decided maybe I’d get a slice of pizza from Pizza Nova. The girl there found out I used to work there and felt bad that she charged me for the pizza so I got a free coke. sooooo…

1 Donut
1 Cheese Pizza
1 can of Coke

for 2 measly laps around the track. Goddamn it, I’ll never be skinny.

Not joking..
I kinda like posting my thoughts and knowing that wordpress actually cares about what I have to say that it will actually post all this filth that I spew. I need to stop saying ‘actually’ so much.

—-

Note to self: DON’T LIVE AT HOME AFTER COLLEGE!!!!

So my good friend A finally convinced me to switch over to Mozilla Firefox. I was convinced after I couldn’t watch the season finale of 30 Rock. I hope that Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy start dating!!! lol even though thats cheesy and lame and weird, I think it would be cute. I also really like Alec Baldwin. He’s pretty good looking and has a really nice voice. He narrated The Royal Tenenbaums and Thomas the Tank Engine shows. It’s pretty sexy. uh… yea so I was saying… Mozilla is not too bad. I spent the morning procrastinating and organizing my bookmarks and tabs and schiesse. It also has these add-ons that you can install. One of them is Scribefire where you just click on a button at the bottom of the window, while you’re browsing or doing whatever you’re doing online, and blog! So that’s what I’m using to blog although it is completely unnecessary since I am looking at my blog page right now.

So goodbye Internet Explorer, I’ll miss you, your pop ups and requests to start downloading viruses.

It’s halfway through the break and I have yet to finish half of the things I needed to do during this break.
So far, all that I’ve done is:
correct my fafsa
shop
finish my app for studying abroad

This is what I have left to do:
read for philosophy, linguistics
write essays for scholarships
look for internships/jobs
renew my passport
buy a jacket

All I want to do is shop though lol. At the beginning of the break, when my sister was still here, we went shopping and I kept insisting on her to pick things out for me because she’s good at that kind of stuff. She’s going to FIT for fashion merchandising so I figured I should just wear whatever she picks out for me. But as we were shopping, and as I was getting more and more depressed about how nothing looks good on me, I had a sudden revelation! LOL, Why am I trying to copy her fashion style? I should have my own, or develop my own style. A fashion style is a kind of expression of who you are or how you want to be seen. Sure I want to be seen as fashionable or trendy as my sister but I learned that what I choose to wear can be just as nice. hahah this is gay. but it made me feel a lot better and I found a lot of really nice tops after that, but after that it was only a matter of whether I could afford it or not.. cuz damn, things in the city are expensive.

Anyway, I really enjoy shopping now.

And now I have a void in my life.

Also, I shouldn’t eat chocolate over my laptop in the dark….

And guys should stop being such creepos and weirdos.

I know I’ve been a Debbie Downer lately, but now I’m in the most fantastic mood ever! My mood’s turned 360 ON ME!!! hahah JK 180 i know i know.

I don’t know what’s happened. I’m at work right now, supposedly entering archival data on the computer but I just can’t stop smiling and doing anything but. People probably think I’m crazy. Thank god the only face I’m looking at is the computer screen. I hope my boss doesn’t walk in on me posting here hehe. Ugh, but the keyboard is the kind that clacks a lot. So…….  yea.

Lol, there’s not much to write about when you’re happy.

And I have no idea why I’m happy either…

Alright, well I probably won’t post til I’m depressed again. So PEACE!