Lala

Moved~ October 12, 2008

HEHE,

so check out my new blog where I will update you on my travels in asia

issasia.wordpress.com

What happens when my mom uses the computer to chat… May 19, 2008

I guess this is what it’s like to be an A-dult. May 16, 2008

DAMNN my electricity went out yesterday

From Stardust April 29, 2008

It expresses what I want more eloquently than I ever could.

“You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange – no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.”

My car got stolen yesterday April 21, 2008

I’m extremely serious. I dropped my key around my car, and I know I know, I’m extremely careless but that still doesn’t give someone the right to steal my car. It happened around 8:30pm. I went to my friend’s room and we were hanging out until 12:30 when I had to pick up my friend. E was going with me because I was feeling nauseous. When we got to where my car was parked, it was missing. We called the cops and they got down all the information. I seriously thought the car was a goner, because it had been around 4 hours since I had last seen it. I got all depressed and call my mom. She was okay about it, but she prayed with me on the phone and told me to pray. In between the call, the cops called because they were gonna need me to come in and sign something that stated that my car might really be a goner. My friends were so sweet and supportive about everything. I thought they might have been talking about how careless I was or talk behind my back, and I asked one of my close friends to see if they did or not, and they didn’t. And for some reason that meant more to me than anything.. Well not anything. I get overly concerned about how people see me, kinda bad I know. But at 1:15 they found my car behind Chenango. They stole my mp3 again!! and my id card holder. So now my id’s are gone and I have no credit card. LOL, my friends were like do you need to borrow money!! cuz they knew about how my other credit card got stolen. Anyway I have either the best luck ever or the worst. I’d say best, because carelessness is not luck, it’s a habit. The officer investigating asked me a scary question though. He thought it might have been personal and asked me if I had an angry ex. I don’t have an angry ex, but we did not end all that amicably, and it was just weird that it would be behind Chenango, which is where he lived freshman year. After all this had happened, I feel like I should do some things different. This was honestly a life changing moment. So I decided to quit smoking. I told E that and he wants to do that as well . I was also thinking, is nature or some god out there angry at me because my current lifestyle is not the one I should be leading? Is it because I chose the wrong major? or am not talking to my sister these few weeks? or cuz I still haven’t told E that I like him? LOL. But I do feel like all these signs are telling me I’m going in the wrong direction, and all these things are occurring to set me on the right path.

UGH LIFE IS JUST WAY TO MUCH FOR ME RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

New music that I’ve been listening to or want to listen to April 20, 2008

Sébatien Tellier
Alphabeats
Paolo Nutini

I thought I liked Incubus, but realized it was only a very few. I was extremely high when I was listening to them.
Last night, I saw Forbidden Kingdom. The fighting scenes were awesome, but the movie on a whole was a little lamish. I think it was more bearable for me than others because I didn’t have to pay. I finally confronted my friends about how gas is really expensive and that for me, it was cheaper to take the cab than drive. It sounds kinda sad that these are what I call friends: people who don’t care that you’re spending a fortune on gas. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have the car. Then I’d be able to save up for something really nice. I’ve become a materialistic whore, and I really want designer bags and shit. But long story short, they paid for my movie ticket.

I really really appreciate my homefriends. I can’t believe they’ve been able to stand me for so long. They’re there when I bitch about boys, and give me advice as to how to not be so awkward or retarded. And despite all my flaws, they still hang out with me lol I can’t believe how much over these past few week’s i’ve complained or obsessed about things to them. I’m lucky. I’ve decided that I’m an extremely lucky person. Cuz also, who gets their wallet returned after being passed around from drug dealers to drug users and into the hands of a police officer? I really believe in luck. When I was younger, I thought that luck came by praying, but when I lost my wallet, I was debating on whether to pray or not. I decided that would be cheap. The thing is, I don’t buy it that the Protestant God is the real and only god. I feel like nature is god, and we’re our own gods. But I do believe that a higher being can create interventions and move our fates. But pretty much, we’re in control of our own destiny. So I feel like a higher being decided that I’d be lucky and get my wallet back and give me amazing friends. yay!

However, my bed sucks. I’m having bad luck with my bed. Me and my roommate got airbeds cuz we moved in latish and we weren’t provided bed. Mattresses are really expensive so we just got huge airbeds. I think mine has a hole somewhere because every morning, I’m enveloped in my bed and its a few inches lower than what it had been the night before. I slept on my roommate’s bed this morning though and it didn’t do that. I can’t find the hole in my bed and T told me that they test these things with spikes to make sure that they don’t easily get holes. Maybe my heavy weight was to much to bear and it just slowly leaks the air out. Anyway my back hurts.

I like pancakes again April 19, 2008

I had a delicious blueberry pancake the other day, and I have once again learned to appreciate the cake made in a pan.

And I also discovered that I really like Incubus while I was high yesterday

Spring is funky April 19, 2008

So many funky things have been happening lately. I can’t remember them in the order that they’ve happened in but recently I lost my wallet on my street which is a dangerous street with a lot of crime, but it got returned to me today. Then, the other day I was talking to Necco boy and we were just talking about relationships and missing windows of opportunity when I decided to tell him that I used to like him. It turned out he did too. Okay so I guess my life isn’t all that funky but it sure has been kind of a ride for me these past few weeks.
And I’ve also been kind of obsessive over this dude that I like. Once I start telling people, I guess it just grows bigger and I just fantasize about it a lot to the point where I don’t live in reality. Another annoying thing is that I get dreams about boys and they’re so bizarre. It will be guys that I used to like or guys that bug me or whatever, and the situations we’ll be in would be completely random and weird. And also, they sometimes morph. For example, I’ll be dating A and somehow A will turn into H. So freaking weird!!!!!!!!!! It’s like my subconscious is vomiting into my dreams or something.
I used to try and write full entries that had a flow and sounded interesting, but I’ve noticed that my posts are starting to have a lot of random mumbo jumbo in it, and my thoughts are scattered. Hm..

It scares me how obsessed I can get.

Books I want to read in the near future. April 15, 2008

Atlas Shrugged
Wind Up Bird Chronicles
Jacques the Fatalist and His Master

That’s all I can think of at the moment.

Having a crush suck… a lot of ass April 14, 2008

Please don’t read all of it. thanks

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I made this blog because I wanted to get better at writing. I don’t know if I have though. Writing, I think helps you organize your thoughts but my thoughts still are in a jumbly mush and I sometimes say weird things. Something I also wanted to improve on was not always beginning sentences with I’s. Its been really hard, and my sentences are probably sometimes awkward because of it. However, I’ve noticed that good writers can make thoughts flow without always using I. And since this is my blog, I shouldn’t have to write I so much anyway.

Anywhoos, I’ve just been thinking a lot and since no one ever has time to hear me whine, and I feel retarded whining, I’m gonna do it here.

I ate two friggen pizzas today and people are gonna say I’m being silly, but I really can’t help but feel like a tub of lard right now. I’m extremely motivated to go to the gym because the next couple of days are gonna be really nice and I can’t tan if I look like a whale. I seem to post here whenever I’m feeling angsty, so when my friends from other schools are reading this, they think I’m just one moody pos, but really I am generally happy.

I get really affected whenever me and my sister fight. Today I was telling her the cons about going to Binghamton, and she just got really upset at me, which in turn made me really upset.

I wish that living was cheaper.

The other day, my friend asked me to read his thesis.. It was like a friggin paragraph of bullshitty sounding crap and it took me forever to read. He was asking why I was taking so long to read it and now probably thinks I’m an idiot. Especially after making the mistake of telling him how I got a D in econ frosh year. yea yea I know thats really bad. LOL But he was telling me about how he really fucked up last sem and I was like well I really fucked up too, and he was like no you couldn’t have fucked up as bad as I did. So I told him about my D and he was like okay, I didn’t screw up that badly. Godfuckingdamn these asians crying about their C+’s. Anyway, I’ve been doing a lot better so yea. I’m not stupid.

My ass itches cuz of my tatt. I want to peel it or scratch it!!!!

So I mentioned a dude in my last post. I don’t want to talk too much about it because if he ever somehow probably never stumbles on this blog, I’ll be truly embarrassed and would want to die. But that is what I wanted to talk about in this post: crushes. I HATE LIKING PEOPLE. It makes me so angsty and feel self-deprecating. All I see is good stuff about him and in turn see all these flaws about myself and wonder how in the hell he could possibly ever be interested in a loser tard like me. I’ve been in only one relationship but I always wonder how relationships start. There has to be an awkward period right? I can’t possibly see how a relationship could start without it being awkward at first. And how do people initiate it. I know there’s no right or wrong answer, but there is a creepy and a lesser creepy way of getting in a relationship. I’m such a noob, but I think doing something is better than just sitting and fantasizing cuz thats lame. I’m lame.

I need Oz to give me courage.

This is cheesy but the reason I got my tattoo is that all I ever do is think about things, I never do it. I think wayyyy too much about it and chances pass. I regret a lot, and those regrets are about things I never did.

How has this happened to me??? I was never angsty or emo besides when I was pmsing. I just feel like a serious old fart.